Today I received a letter from the IRS (my first reaction: “Hide the cash in the pillows!”) stating that sometime in the next couple of weeks, I’ll be getting a check for $300 from President Bush. The President Bush! He’s sending me birthday money, and it’s not even my birthday! The letter said that it was because of the Economic Stimulus Act of 2008 (he’s actually accomplished something this year?), but I know the President just wants me to think it’s nothing special and that everyone’s getting early/belated birthday money (or in some rare cases, on-time birthday money). What a nice guy. I feel a little guilty saying such mean things about Mr. Bush now… as an apology, I’ll send him a fruit basket.
But let’s not cloud our judgment just because he’s sending me birthday money. If our country really was in a recession, how would sending everybody who’s filed taxes (me) $300 solve problems? I mean, I could buy an iPod or a crappy laptop with that amount of money, and a couple months of gas (unless I’m actually paying $328/gallon, the smaller numbers could be an optical illusion), but…
Hey, wait a minute. I’m feeling gypped. The internets just informed me that some people are getting $600, and married couples can receive $1200 (that’s like $600 each. You’re welcome for doing the math for you). You cheap bastard. Do you realize how many birthdays of mine you’ve missed? Nineteen. I don’t care if you’re trying to help our economy get out of the slows. I’m taking back your fruit basket.
[Lola.]
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2 comments:
You keep your fruit basket! You deserve it! I have yet to receive my cash or even a letter from the man! He must like you more! Is he the real santa? No thats bullshit, hes Bush and god dammit I want him outta office. Whoohoo free cash!!!
-Chasen
This got a giggle out of me.
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