two-hundred and eighty-four.

No, that’s not Mr. McCain’s real age. I’ve said it many times; he’s not that old. He’s just old enough to remember most of the important events that helped shape our country, like the Gettysburg Address and the first pint of Samuel Adams beer. That big number that’s nearly impossible to count to is how many days are left in Bush’s Presidency. Have we all forgotten that Mr. Bush is still our President? It totally slipped my mind for a while because of all this Democratic Party Candidate acid test tour voting argument extravaganza. I feel bad about that. I’m so sorry, Mr. Bush, your country sort of left you behind. Maybe you should pull something crazy, like in the old days, and catch us off-guard. Trust me; it’ll be for the best if you end your second (and hopefully the Constitution keeps it your last) Presidential term with a bang. And by that, I don’t mean bomb… ooh, what country is next on the list? How about Uzbekistan, since it’s something I can actually spell? So don’t bomb Uzbekistan to end it with a bang, but you could always get Mr. Cheney punk’d. I know the world would appreciate that. Plus, the man is a comedian, and he’d definitely like a good joke or two to be remembered by. Just think a couple of things over in that abnormally large head of yours, and get back to us on it.
Mr. Bush is going to start pulling out troops from Iraq again. What about the other countries we’re pouring into? Well, I guess the answer to that question will have to wait for another day, possibly a hundred years from now (if Mr. McCain miraculously wins the Election). He’s giving General Petraeus “ 45 days to evaluate the effects of the drawdown, followed by an indefinite period to reassess U.S. troop strength in Iraq” (from Gates: US troops won't drop to 100,000 by Deb Riechmann (sauerkraut-eater)). That means General Patronus gets over a month to think, and then has just about forever to think some more. It’s unfair that some General guy gets paid a substantial amount of money just to think. Damn you, General Petrelli! I make less than $10/hr and have to do actual work. Is that what Presidents do during their last year in office? Think? And pay people to think? Sen. Harry Reid said, "Instead he is leaving all the tough decisions to the next administration. President Bush has an exit strategy for only one man, himself, on January 20, 2009." Hey, Mr. Reid, why don’t you give the man a break? He’s been working hard for years, trying to figure out how to pronounce words not in his limited vocabulary (but strangely enough he scored higher on his SAT’s than me), and tap-dancing his way to glory. The man is a thinker, a decider, and apparently good at bicycling. Let Mr. Bush pedal out of the White House with at least a little dignity.
I’ve come to the conclusion that Mr. Cheney is a total douchebag. For the first time, I’m not saying it because of the creepy, child-molester-like snarl that’s made home on his face. I’m also not saying it because, even after several heart-attacks, he won’t fucking die. How many has he had? Four? It’s not right; maybe he’s a zombie. After the 9/11 attacks, the chain of command starting from Mr. Cheney on down, “signed off on using harsh interrogation techniques against suspected terrorists after asking the Justice Department to endorse their legality” (from Cheney, others OK'd harsh interrogations by Lara Lakes Jordan and Pamela Hess). If you don’t understand what they just said, don't worry about it, only fourth and eighth graders understand big words. Basically, Mr. Cheney and his homies told the CIA that it’s okay to have a little fun with interrogations and play the fun game where you simulate drowning. Two other harmless interrogation methods were discussed, including “causing pain similar in intensity to that caused by death or organ failure”, and keeping detainees overseas to use enhanced interrogation techniques as long as they “did not specifically intend to torture their captives”.
“I don’t intend to beat you senselessly, but sometimes I just get carried away, you know? It’d help if you told me what I want to hear, and then we’ll play a little game and not write about it in my torture memo, okay? Have a nice day.”
Mr. Cheney is such a Dick sometimes.

[Lola.]