oh snap, crackle, and pop!

Sometimes I’m not sure how to tell you something, especially when it’s not so happy. Maybe I’ll turn into Demetri Martin, play a nice, friendly guitar riff and just say it how it is, and you won’t be upset. … Well, I guess not. So… oh, I know! I’ve seen a band do this before, and they got the message across! Do you understand me when I say, “Bop bop bop bop bah bah bop bop”? … No? Well, dammit. I suppose it only works if you’re in a band, singing a love song. What I’m trying to say is that we’re officially in a… a… a… oh god, I can say it… I can say it… I’m not in denial anymore. We’re, um, in a recession. Officially. We, the United States of America, are in a recession. Admitting that we’re in an… “r” word is harder than it seems, which is why I choose to whisper it when I’m talking to people face-to-face. I don’t want to scare anyone, so just as teachers mark papers in green ink to make children feel better, I’ll refer to “it” as the “r” word, like my buddy, Ben Bernanke.
So far in our “r” word, we’ve lost over 200,000 jobs, but don’t you worry. If you don’t work for airlines, accounting firms, retail, factories, insurance companies, construction companies, banks, law offices, real-estate firms, temp agencies, mortgage-broking companies, computer design shops, hotels, engineering companies, architecture companies, telecommunications companies, or transportation companies, you probably won't be part of the 5.1% unemployed. And if you do, that MacDonald’s down the street is hiring. Starbucks, too. Zoos (I know there’s one in Vegas, but what the hell would be there?) and child-care services always need new employees as well. So the question isn’t, “When will we get our jobs back?” it’s “Should I brew coffee or shovel lion shit?”

[Lola.]