the veepstakes are coming!

It’s that time again. You know, that certain time that rolls around every four years (or less, if you’re William Henry Harrison). That time when the Presidential Nominees have to pick running mates for their, as professional journalists say, “veeps”. The media has been going ballistic over who Mr. Obama and Mr. McCain will choose- at least, they kind of care when there’s no story to not cover about Mr. McCain. Will it be Hillary (like a snowball’s chance in Hell)? Or maybe old skool Mr. Romney? Or even someone we’ve never heard of (probably)? This is what I think our Nominees should look for in a “veep”:
1. Pizzazz. Someone who’s got charisma and can do jazz hands is almost certain to entertain a crowd.
2. Good grammar. Making up words doesn’t always make you seem smarter.
3. No bowties. There are only two exceptions to this rule: Chippendale strippers and Orville Redenbacher.
4. Sense of humor. Cracking an occasional joke is great, but make sure they leave out fart jokes when the cameras are rolling, especially if they are the ones adding to greenhouse gas.
5. No creepiness. Basically, just take the complete opposite of Mr. Cheney, and there you go. I think he’s the Boogeyman.
6. Ready to give up so that Ralph Nader can finally win (optional).

[Lola.]