want a bed-time story with that launch code?

Three ballistic missile crew members from the 91st Missile Wing near a North Dakota base fell asleep recently while holding onto the codes for missile launch (my grandpa fell asleep with a beer in his hands once, and he didn’t spill a single drop). But don’t worry, regardless of a recent “series of nuclear-related mishaps”, all is well and nothing was compromised during the boys’ nap. The code devices that the crew members were sleeping with were outdated anyway, and new launch codes had already been installed, so even if Scooby Doo villains had popped up and stolen the old codes, it wouldn’t have done them any good (Iran, you’re still safe. … For now). Officials said that the three boys were in a locked room with the launch code devices, which are basically “large, metal boxes” (how can you sleep with those without hurting your coccyx?). Apparently, the Air Force has rules about sleeping with ballistic missile launch code devices, and they told the Governor of North Dakota that “procedural violations do occur periodically” (I bet that made him feel better), and not to worry because they’ll solve the personnel issues.
Maybe if the Air Force enforces nap time, it won’t happen again.

[Lola.]