double-awesome!

I absolutely love how the President always does what he says he’s going to do. President Bush told us how hard he would be working for the next six months (it only feels like sixty), and I’m proud to say that he has gotten a few things done. Two things, actually. And a birthday party (I heard things got crazy during the thirteenth round of strip beer pong- Cheney throws bitchin’ parties).
Earlier this week, President Bush signed a bill which keeps the phone companies that have been tapping our phone calls from lawsuits, such as AT&T and Verizon. Without warrants, government officials can listen in on our conversations in order to learn “who the terrorists are talking to, what they're saying and what they're planning" (they know that Revolver is my favourite album and my shoe size is 7). Although Sen. Feingold claims that “the President broke the law”, I have to agree with the President on this one. He can’t break the law, he’s the President. He bends the law. It’s an awkward feeling (especially for schizophrenics), but we’ll get used to it.
The President’s Administration has also rejected regulating greenhouse gases (it’s like a second bitchslap to the Kyoto Treaty, except we’re not in Japan). The Environmental Protection Agency wrote a “588-page federal notice” and didn’t say whether global warming threatens our health or welfare. First of all, getting the President to read a 588-page equivalent to a Never-Ending Story Post-It note is like getting a college student to read Mein Kampf (don’t do it- Nazi books are un-American and unbearably long. I mean, Hitler could’ve summed it up in one sentence- “Jews suck and I’m kind of crazy from all the mustard gas I inhaled.”) And if the conclusion doesn’t appear on the same page as the first sentence, of course they’re going to reject it. Maybe the Administration would have agreed to anything the EPA wanted if they had said, “Greenhouse gases make people go pukey-puke and we can’t let the illegal Mexicans take any more janitorial jobs, so we have to reduce all the greenhouse gas stuff.” Even a third-grader could figure that out.
I’m not very good at math, but I think this means that the President only accomplished one thing…

[Lola.]